so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
