I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize