even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
