I didn't shave. On purpose
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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