Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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