epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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