I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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