no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Did I show you my penis last night?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
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