i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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