Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
