Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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