In the future we'll all be gay
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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