it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
