somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
