I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
