where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
