Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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