And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
