I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
