idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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