Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
