yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
