if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
