Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
