a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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