yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
