you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
