its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
