that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
