i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
