Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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