when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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