we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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