This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
