i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
