i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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