she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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