marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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