So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
There r osticjed everywhere
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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