I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
