Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
