Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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