i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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