Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
