Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
