So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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