i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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