3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
