peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize