by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
