Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
