So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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