I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
