I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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