We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
