Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
