Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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