I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
