hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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