I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
