plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
