She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
