I'm going to jail i love you
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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