So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
