C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
