did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
