Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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