the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
