apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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