I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
