I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
