i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
