Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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