Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
