Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
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She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
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Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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