Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
