i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
