dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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