He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I will pee on everything he values.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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