My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
