Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
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