Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
