Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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