you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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